Self-Assessment

I recently came across an adoption self-assessment quiz. It reminded me a lot of something my husband and I completed during our premarital counseling. Taking an assessment separately and then comparing the answers is not about hoping that you will each put down the same answers but more about giving a couple a starting point for discussions. We are still in the very beginning of this adoption journey, and we are going to each have to put in lots of time and energy in order to reflect on the following questions before we will be ready to come together and begin any discussions.

1.Why do you want to adopt?

2.On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, how badly do you want to adopt?

3.Who is the driver of wanting this adoption? Will this cause conflict?

4.Will this driver/driven dynamic cause conflict in your relationship?

5.What age child would you prefer to adopt?

6.How firm are you on the age selected above?

7.What disabilities would you be willing to consider in an adoptive child?

8.What racial heritages would you be willing to consider in an adoptive child?

9.Which gender would you prefer in your child?

10.Would you consider twins?

11.Do you feel you are stable in your relationship as a couple without having children?

12.Which friends and family members would you want to tell about your adoption plans? Which would be supportive and which would not?

13.What level of openness are you willing to consider with birthparents?

14.Would you be willing to comply with specific birth family requests regarding child rearing (such as religious instruction, name or schooling)?

15. Where would you be willing to go to adopt?

16.How much time will you take off work during and after the adoption?

17.How much money would you be willing to spend on an adoption?

18.How much economic hardship would that cause?

19.When and how do you feel children should be told they're adopted?

20.Would you support/assist your child if he/she wanted to find, contact or have a relationship with his/her birthparents?

21.Many adoptive parents have 'dry runs' before they actually adopt. How would you handle an adoption that matched with you but did not end up placing?

22. Will you or your spouse change your workload outside the home after the adoption?

23.What do you feel you could contribute to a child?

24.What aspects of childrearing are so important to you that you would find it difficult to compromise (such as discipline, religion, schooling, stay-at-home parenting, etc.)?

25.Are you ready to love an adopted child as much as one you gave birth to biologically?

26.Would you prefer to continue with infertility treatment before seriously pursuing adoption? If so, why?

27.Deep down do you feel like you are being forced to adopt if you want to have children, adoption as a means to build a family is "second best," or that adoption is your "last resort" if you want to be able to have children?

28.What is the ideal adoption situation for you?

29.Ideally, how many children would you like?

30.How long are you willing to wait to adopt?

As you can see, deciding to adopt is only the tip of the iceberg. Stay tuned for more as we make our way through this complex process.